Touching Him

The most sensitive spots are usually the frenulum, the small fold on the underside just below the head, and the ridge around the rim of the head. The shaft generally likes firmer pressure. The scrotum wants a very gentle touch, and the perineum, between the scrotum and the anus, is where the prostate can be felt from outside. Preferences vary widely; the map only tells you where to begin.

1. Use lubricant: the friction of a dry hand is stronger than you think. Water-based is easy to handle; silicone lasts longer. Avoid oil-based lubricants with condoms.
2. Short nails, warm hands.
3. Start slowly and ask, "Like this?" His breathing, his hips, his voice: his responses are the most accurate answer.

1. The basic grip: make a ring with thumb and forefinger and wrap it around the shaft. Start a little firmer than a handshake.
2. The stroke: base to tip. At the top, let the ring slide over the rim of the head; that moment is the peak of every stroke.
3. The twist: as you move up, turn your wrist slightly, like turning a doorknob.
4. Hand over hand: as one hand reaches the top, the other begins at the base, so the stroke never seems to end.
5. The palm: with plenty of lubricant, cup the head in your palm and circle. It is intense, so keep it brief.
6. The thumb: keep your grip and press the pad of your thumb on the frenulum, drawing slow small circles.

1. Don't hurry: before taking him in your mouth, kiss and breathe along the inner thighs, the lower belly, the shaft. Anticipation magnifies pleasure.
2. Tongue: the flat of the tongue up the frenulum from below; the tip tracing the rim.
3. Lips: cover your teeth with your lips so they never catch.
4. Combine with your hand: your mouth on the head and upper shaft, your hand at the base. You don't need to take all of him, and you don't need to go deep.
5. Suction: gentle suction adds a deeper layer; set the strength by his response.
6. Change the rhythm: slow and deep, then quick and shallow, then stop. Monotony is the enemy.

The prostate is a walnut-sized swelling on the front wall of the rectum, about a finger's length (roughly 5 cm) inside, towards the belly (see the map above). It can be reached indirectly from outside, by pressing the perineum, or directly with a finger. Combined with your mouth, many men feel a deep, doubled pleasure.

1. Agreement first: ask beforehand, not in the moment, whether he is interested in prostate touch.
2. Preparation: short nails, gloves if you like, plenty of silicone lubricant.
3. From outside: while using your mouth, press slowly into the perineum with the pad of a finger. For many men this alone is enough.
4. Inside: pause at the entrance and wait for it to relax, then slide one finger in slowly. Curl it towards the belly in a "come here" motion and you will find a slightly firmer swelling.
5. The movement: press and release, or slow circles, rather than rubbing. Match the rhythm of your mouth or deliberately offset it, guided by his response.
6. What he may feel: something like the urge to pee, or a fullness rising from deep inside. Both are normal.
7. The rules: stop if there is pain or discomfort. Avoid it with haemorrhoids, prostate inflammation or after surgery. Always wash or change gloves before a finger moves from the anus to a mouth or vagina.

When you see the signs he is close (faster breathing, the scrotum drawing up, the shaft hardening further), lighten the touch or move elsewhere: the inner thighs, the perineum, a kiss. Wait twenty or thirty seconds, then return. A few rounds of this make the final peak deeper and longer.

The squeeze: when he is about to come, pressing firmly just below the head with thumb and forefinger for a few seconds can make the wave recede. Agree on a signal from him.

Oral sex can pass on sexually transmitted infections, including chlamydia, gonorrhoea, syphilis and herpes. Get tested together with a new partner, and use a condom when unsure. Reported syphilis cases in Japan have risen sharply in recent years.

Chemistry is not fixed at birth; it can be grown. Research points to a few things.

1. Couples who talk are more satisfied: those who can say what they like and what they want are happier with their sex life and their relationship.
2. Wanting to meet a partner's sexual needs helps sustain desire in long relationships.
3. More is not always better: in large surveys, sex up to about once a week is linked with greater well-being, but more than that is not linked with more.
4. Novelty: couples who do new things together tend to feel more satisfied with the relationship, outside the bedroom as well.
5. Desire can come second: wanting that was not there when you began, and arrives once you are touching, is common and normal.

Good chemistry softens the friction of daily life and makes patience last longer. It supports the rest of a relationship rather than replacing it.