Glossary of Concepts

The layer of muscle slung like a hammock across the base of the pelvis. It holds the organs up, controls bladder and bowel, and contracts in waves at orgasm. Releasing it matters as much as squeezing.

Used in: The Pelvic Floor ManualYoni Massage, Toys and Stronger OrgasmsNot Rushing

The organ whose function is sexual pleasure. Only its tip (the glans) is visible; most of it extends inside the body as the legs (crura) and bulbs.

Used in: Knowing Your Own PleasureYoni Massage, Toys and Stronger Orgasms

A sensitive area on the front wall of the vagina, about 3 to 5 cm inside. Whether it is a distinct structure is still debated; it is often explained by the surrounding clitoral and urethral tissue.

Used in: Knowing Your Own PleasureYoni Massage, Toys and Stronger Orgasms

A walnut-sized gland below the bladder in men. It can be felt through the front wall of the rectum, about a finger's length (roughly 5 cm) inside, and many men find stimulating it intensely pleasurable.

Used in: Touching Him

The area between the genitals and the anus. In men, pressing it from outside stimulates the prostate indirectly.

Used in: Touching HimYoni Massage, Toys and Stronger Orgasms

The small fold of skin on the underside of the penis, just below the head. One of the most sensitive places.

Used in: Touching Him

The sheets of connective tissue that wrap each muscle and link the whole body. Myofascial release aims to ease it with slow, sustained pressure; the research support is still limited.

Used in: A Map of Massage

A tender, taut spot in a muscle that sends sensation elsewhere when pressed. Quiet pressure held for 30 to 90 seconds is a widely used way to ease it.

Used in: A Map of Massage

The main muscle of breathing, dividing chest from abdomen. It descends as you breathe in and the lower belly swells; "belly breathing" and tanden breathing both use it.

Used in: Tanden BreathingHakuin’s Melting Meditation

The branch of the autonomic nervous system that rests and restores the body. Genital blood flow depends on it too, which is why relaxation prepares the ground for arousal.

Used in: A Map of MassageTanden BreathingNot Rushing

Desire that arrives after touch has begun rather than before it. It is common, especially among women, and it is not a deficiency.

Used in: Not RushingWhen Desire Is Absent or Orgasm Doesn't Come

Breathing at about six breaths a minute, with a long out-breath. It is associated with greater heart-rate variability and a sense of relaxation.

Used in: Tanden BreathingA Map of Massage

A diagnosis in the WHO's ICD-11. It is defined not by how often you think about sex but by months of failing to control intense urges, with marked distress or impairment.

Used in: How Much Is Normal? Thinking About Sex

A sexual orientation in which a person feels little or no sexual attraction. It is not a lack; it is one way of being.

Used in: When Desire Is Absent or Orgasm Doesn't ComeHow Much Is Normal? Thinking About Sex

The roughly six days made up of the five days before ovulation and the day itself, because sperm live up to about five days and an egg can be fertilised for about 12 to 24 hours.

Used in: Your Cycle, Timing and Contraception

The time from ovulation to the next period, fairly constant at about 14 days. That is why ovulation is reckoned as roughly 14 days before the next period.

Used in: Your Cycle, Timing and Contraception

The sharp rise in luteinising hormone just before ovulation. Ovulation tests detect it in urine; ovulation usually follows within about 24 to 36 hours of a positive result.

Used in: Your Cycle, Timing and Contraception

Your resting temperature on waking. It rises after ovulation, so it confirms that ovulation happened, but too late to predict the fertile window.

Used in: Your Cycle, Timing and Contraception

The two figures for how well a method works. Perfect use means following the rules every time; typical use is what happens in real life, missed pills and mistakes included.

Used in: Your Cycle, Timing and Contraception

A small device placed in the womb that releases a little hormone to prevent pregnancy. It works for up to about five years and often makes periods lighter.

Used in: Your Cycle, Timing and Contraception

A pill taken after contraception has failed; it works within 72 hours, and the sooner the better. Since February 2026 it can be bought in Japanese pharmacies without a prescription, after a pharmacist explains it in person.

Used in: Your Cycle, Timing and Contraception

Building towards orgasm, pausing just short of it, and building again once it settles. It develops the capacity to stay inside rising pleasure.

Used in: Not RushingYoni Massage, Toys and Stronger OrgasmsThe Pelvic Floor Manual

Stimulating until close to ejaculation, then stopping until the urge fades, repeated. Reported by the physician James Semans in 1956.

Used in: Not RushingTouching Him

Squeezing firmly just below the head of the penis for a few seconds, just before ejaculation becomes inevitable, to delay it. Popularised by Masters and Johnson.

Used in: Not Rushing

A staged practice of taking turns to touch without a goal, widely used in sex therapy.

Used in: Not Rushing

The basic strokes of Swedish massage: effleurage is a long glide with the palm, pétrissage is grasping and kneading the muscle.

Used in: A Map of Massage

A technique using little or no oil: catch the skin, sink in, and wait 90 to 120 seconds.

Used in: A Map of Massage

Tensing and releasing one part of the body at a time to learn the difference between tension and ease. It has support for anxiety and sleep.

Used in: A Map of Massage

Repeating set phrases to oneself, such as "my arms are heavy" and "my arms are warm", to settle the body. Devised by the German physician Johannes Schultz.

Used in: A Map of Massage

In East Asian traditions, the activity said to flow through the body and the world. It underlies shiatsu, anma, breathing practices and yōjō. It is not the kind of claim research tests.

Used in: Tanden BreathingHakuin’s Melting MeditationA Map of Massage

A point about three finger-widths below the navel, at the centre inside the body. In the martial arts it is the centre of gravity and of ki; in Zen, where the mind settles.

Used in: Tanden BreathingHakuin’s Melting Meditation

The lines along which ki is said to travel (meridians) and the key points on them (tsubo). Shiatsu and anma use them as a map.

Used in: A Map of Massage

In Thai massage, the ten lines said to run through the body; palms and thumbs press along them.

Used in: A Map of Massage

In Filipino hilot, the chill and knots said to collect in the body, eased with warm oil and flowing strokes.

Used in: A Map of Massage

The meditation recorded by Hakuin in Yasen Kanna: imagining a soft balm on the crown melting and flowing down through the whole body.

Used in: Hakuin’s Melting Meditation

Hakuin's companion practice: lying on your back and gathering breath and attention into the lower belly and soles of the feet. Not the same as the modern psychotherapy called Naikan.

Used in: Hakuin’s Melting Meditation

A Sanskrit word for the vulva. Yoni massage is a practice that spread through modern neo-tantra.

Used in: Yoni Massage, Toys and Stronger Orgasms

A yes that is given freely and specifically, and can be withdrawn at any moment. Silence and endurance are not consent.

Used in: Asking and DecliningTalking About DesireYoni Massage, Toys and Stronger OrgasmsTouching Him

What you will never do, and what you might consider depending on conditions. Naming them beforehand makes requests easier to answer.

Used in: Asking and Declining

Pressure that continues after a clear no: asking again and again, sulking, hinting at leaving. It is not a conversation.

Used in: Asking and Declining

Feeling joy at a partner's happiness with someone else. It often exists alongside jealousy.

Used in: Talking About Desire

Privacy is keeping what is yours. Secrecy is hiding something your partner would reasonably see as part of your agreement.

Used in: Seeking Help

Guilt signals that an action may go against your values or promises. Shame is the sense that you yourself are wrong, and is usually inherited.

Used in: Seeking Help